SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!
Tax Time
is coming up
again!!!
The First Tax Time
after My First Wife
and I Divorced
was Disastrous.
I was confused
about who I was,
what was happening
to my life,
and mostly,
how I was going to
survive the
sheer agony
that I felt
from the separation
from my children.
I was a Chocolate Mess.
Plus,
I was overwhelmed
because Tax Preparations
Scare the Shit
out of me.
The very Idea
of an Audit,
uhhhh.
I had had all my paperwork,
our joint house stuff,
my proper work forms,
and W2’s in place
since December.
Well,
It was April 12th
and I still had not
had the FOCUS
to whip my shit out
and work on it.
Being Grant,
I decided
that I could Better Concentrate
on my Taxes,
if …
I were at The Beach!
jaja jaja
Hindsight renders me Stupid.
5 hours later,
I was pulling into
St. Simon’s Island
for a weekend
of Receipt Organization & Sorting,
Intense Mathematical Calculations,
and Actual Tax Preparation.
I was READY!
Well,
The first two days I spent
at The Beach.
I met a little friend,
read a good book,
ate some seafood at the beach,
danced a little…
I think there was Tequila
involved?
I don’t remember.
I hung with
The crazy,
self-appointed,
bicycle-riding
Mayor.
April 15th came,
and I decided
that key to the task at hand
was a good walk,
and a hearty breakfast
before I could
START
working on my taxes.
4pm, April 15th,
I still had not started
my taxes.
SHIT.
I looked at the forms,
overwhelmed,
and read the small print
along the bottom.
It said something
to the effect of
‘If you can’t do your taxes,
the government WILL calculate
your taxes for you”.
YES!
Saved by the fine print!
I went into
The Post Office,
bought 2 large envelopes.
One for Federal,
one for State.
AS FAST AS I COULD,
probably thinking
the Auditors were there
in my car
watching me,
I STUFFED
all the receipts,
papers,
tax forms,
house shit,
Everything,
into those two envelopes.
Even my notes to myself!
I didn’t have any blank paper,
but found an old,
used piece of paper
in my car,
with just enough room left to
chicken-scratch
a note:
DEAR SIRS,
I AM GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE
AND I AM AN INSANE IDIOT.
I CANNOT PHYSICALLY
PREPARE MY TAXES.
I’M SORRY,
I READ THE FINE PRINT
AND IT SAYS
YOU CAN DO IT FOR ME.
I HAVE NO CHOICE.
THANK YOU.
GRANT HENRY
3 months later,
I get a letter from
the IRS:
“I’m sorry to read
about your divorce,
I hope your life
is going better,
you owe $900.00,
but the interest rate
is so low,
don’t worry about paying
it off quickly,
it’s cheaper than a loan,
Good Luck!”
A month later
I get a call
from
The State Department of Revenue:
“Mr. Henry,
Thank you for your honesty.
I hope you are doing well.”
He was defiantly friendly.
He went on to tell me
that he too
had been through
a divorce,
and he had gotten raped
by the system,
that his ex-wife
had taken him
for everything he had.
Then,
he said that
as far as he was concerned,
my file was closed,
“File 13”,
and that I don’t owe
any money
to The State of Georgia!
Whewwwwwwww!!!
I’ve gotten through
HUNDREDS
of sticky situations in life
by just being Honest.
Insanely Honest
with a splash
of Humor.
I have said that
I’m not a Christian.
I know that
Religious Institutions
can sometimes
Suck Ass.
However,
there is
something about the
Forgiveness & Grace
of Humankind,
that has rendered me
SMILING.
