“Grant,
The blue envelope
in the top file cabinet
is the paper work
for the new car.
It’s in both of our names.
You can help
your Mom figure it out,
right?”
“Are you going to be able
to come down here for a week,
or so,
to help your Mom,
if something happens to me?”
“Thank You
for coming down
to see us.
Thank You,
I’m sure your Mother
appreciates it too”.
My ailing step-father,
at a negative turn
within his successful Dialysis,
said these things
to me upon leaving
their house
after a weekend visit.
I NOW GET IT.
After arriving at my Mother’s house,
her being all manic
about everything;
buying every “perty” trinket in sight,
she looks around
to make sure
that John isn’t around,
then whispers to me:
“Grant,
I feel like I have to
keep John busy,
or he may just
STOP.”
John has been
life-flighted
back to health,
bi-annually,
for the last ten years.
Now,
He is having symptoms
that indicate
that his last ditch effort
at living
is failing,
thus my trip
to Florida.
The only good news is
perhaps that Mom’s
recent acquisitions,
and obvious hoarding,
may come to an end.
She doesn’t want
to stop and face the fact
that John
may be leaving her soon.
This ELEPHANT
in the middle of the house
isn’t talked about
between the three of us,
between she and me, yes;
he and me, yes.
Mother said to me:
“I get so angry at John
for keeping secrets
like this,
Grant”.
I said:
“Mother,
he’s not keeping this secret
to hurt you,
it’s apparent that you both
have decided
to just keep busy
until he leaves”.
SHE STOPPED,
looks at me,
scratched her head,
and said:
“To tell you the truth,
I’ve just not let myself
think about that,
Grant”.
I learned
from my Father’s
death last year,
that we can
talk about death.
We can talk about death
as much
as we can talk about birth.
They are the same thing.
It’s just
that the ice
that needs to be broken
to get to THAT conversation
is a little bit harder.
Perhaps my presence,
and my leaving,
will invoke THAT
conversation
between my Mom
and John.
All I could say
to each of them
as I walked out
of the door,
after us laughing at
ALL THE SHIT
piled up around the house,
was:
“You know
that you both
are going to be fine.
You just have to
figure out
how to be fine
with wherever
you are”.
I saw them
scratching their heads
after I hugged them
and drove away.
John in GRANT HAT.