“could you please
write about
how to Forgive Yourself?
i haven’t figured that one out.
and i can’t move on.
what can i do?”
Having talked about
Forgiving Yourself
repeatedly,
in these ditties,
I received the question
on HOW to do that.
Like I know.
I particularly NEED
to learn to employ
THAT myself,
about now.
My best intentions
just last night
went awry
and I feel
awful.
We ALL flaw.
My friend Hector,
and I,
used to have dinner
every night
in a different
International Restaurant
when He first came
to America.
We spoke English one day,
Spanish the next.
Well,
we tried.
He was young
and needed
to learn English
more than I needed
to learn Spanish;
but Spanglish
is where we landed.
We talked about our daughters,
both in Mexico,
the separation anxiety,
and pain,
of us both being
away from them
here in America.
3 years earlier
Hector had a “starter marriage”
which spawned
a beautiful little girl.
You can IMAGINE
all the issues
that revolved around
THAT scenario.
He here,
sending money there.
Ex-wife there,
receiving money from here.
Inevitably,
we’d get to a point
in the conversation
where he realized
that his behaviors
in the process of
his leaving,
were less than honorable.
After about 5 beers,
I could see it coming,
“Grrrrrant, I have Regrrrrets”.
ja aj ajja
He admitted
that The Road
he took
was not
The Road Less Traveled.
He didn’t take the high road.
I remember one night
at this Malaysian Restaurant,
our eyes locked,
both tearing up
releasing the pent-up pain
of NOT being
in the same country
as the most precious
people in our lives,
and I said to him:
IF THERE IS A GOD;
HE AIN’T YOU,
AND HE SURE AIN’T ME.
Once we realized
that we
were where we were
as a result of our humanity,
and our own choices,
then the steam
was released
from the pressure cooker
of our brokeness.
We aren’t perfect.
We do,
at the time,
what we think
is the right thing to do
to maintain our wholeness;
but sometimes
we don’t stand back
and see the entire
big picture.
Our view is skewed.
IF THERE IS A GOD,
HE AIN’T YOU,
AND HE SURE AIN’T ME
became our mantra
anytime
either of us
did something stupid.
After saying THAT,
I’d hold my fingers
together into the sky,
like I was holding
a ballOOn on a string,
and I’d
Let IT Go> > >
I’m sure,
that EVEN Jesus,
had regrets.
Like,
in THAT story
in THAT book
about Jesus
getting all mad
at the greedy money changers
and angrily turning over
their tables,
for instance.
Don’t you know
his Daddy
looked down
over his glasses
at him,
afterwards,
with scorn,
and said,
“Really Jesus,
you did WHAT?”.
ja jaja aj
Daddy,
probably,
might’a even said:
THERE IS A GOD,
AND IT’S ME,
BUT IT AIN’T YOU.
We aren’t GODS,
we just have to do
the best that we can
damn-do.
We’ll be fine.
Hussein