It’s not whether you steal or not,
it’s whether you admit you’re a thief.
We’re all human in this together.
I steal.
I stole.
I will probably steal again.
I love-love-love
those tacky ass religious signs
on the side of the road
between Georgia and Mississippi.
The one’s where there are obvious mis-spellings,
with horrid graphics,
yet are so genuine and sweet.
I can just imagine
this old toothless-geezer-jesus-freak Paw Paw
under his homemade lean-to
nailed up to his Trailer House
with his Walmart OOPS Paint
writing out his
TRUST JESUS NOW signs,
HELL IS HOT!!!
A friend and I
set up a trip to Mississippi
to visit his ailing Father.
To minimize the boredom of the trip,
and to maximize the laughter of the trip,
I decided to make some
Sister Louisa Plywood Evangelism
to trade up along the way!
My friend watched for cops
while I was stealing the signs.
I’d crow-bar down
TRUST JESUS NOW
and hammer up
JESUS LOVES GAYS.
I’d run with the ladder,
crawl up it and pull off
JESUS LOVES YOU!
and replace it with the ever-true
NOTHING HARDER THAN A PREACHER’S DICK!
We laughed all the way to Mississippi.
A month back in Georgia,
another friend called from the road
returning from a trip to Texas.
She screamed in the phone,
giggling like a school-girl,
laughing that she had
THE PERFECT gift for me!
She arrived at my shop a few hours later,
proud pink,
running up to me with a package.
To get her to shut her obnoxious mouth up,
I quickly opened the package.
JESUS LOVES ATHEISTS!!!
That Thief-Ass-Bitch
had unknowingly stolen MY sign
and brought it to me
because she knew I’d love it!!!
jaj aja aj jaja
I felt like such a Victim.
Violated.
That was MY sign!
MINE!!!
jaja jaj
