I left you
HANGING
(hope not literally)
on the subject
of THE CONTEMPLATION OF SUICIDE
as a positive exercise
in your Spiritual Growth
and Human Development.
In 1986,
Lost in Space,
I had nothing left to do,
but a LIFE REVIEW.
It took me one week
to drive to my birth hospital,
then to every home,
in every city,
that I had ever lived.
I slept alone,
and stunned,
in my fancy Mercedes.
Fortunately,
the current owners
of our previous family homes
didn’t call the police,
but rather,
I had succeeded
at convincing them
to let my sorry, hopeless ass snoop,
to help me remember
where I came from,
in hopes of
finding a clue
to who (THE FUCK) I was.
Upon my return to “reality”,
having confronted some lies,
I had to honor the new truths.
.
I was aware that my life was changing.
I was aware that I was being drawn.
THIS was my own quixotic quest
(just call me Don)
towards living a more truthful existence,
which would come
at the painful cost
of losing my family,
jeopardizing my job,
exiting my Church,
and letting go of all attachment
to the comforts,
and familiarity,
of yesterday.
For what ended up being three days,
I laid alone, crying on the cold, hard floor
to finally wake
to the fact
that while I was zoned-out,
life had gone on without me.
No one was looking for me.
It was freeing to realize
that I wasn’t THAT special.
I had laid there,
hungry and cold,
hoping to Hell
I’d never wake up,
BECAUSE,
I never thought
I could muster the courage
to carry out the painful task
of doing what I had to do
to live in Truth.
I was choosing death,
but death didn’t choose me.
However,
the death of the old dream
had provided lubrication
for the birth of the new.
THIS is why
I Contemplate Suicide
daily.
It’s NOT because
I’m unstable,
or I want to die,
Quite the contrary.
It IS because
rebirth happens,
and happens,
and happens…
Look.
If you are holding on to something
just because it’s comfortable or familiar,
and it’s not part of your plan
to honor your truth,
then let it go.
DON’T BE A PUSSY!,
let it go..
The void that you fear
will be filled with the truth..
